Kyle coined a new word this morning - "pee-peeness". It's the measure of how much you need to go pee. You could use it in a sentence like this: "My pee-peeness is huge right now. Would it be okay if I used your bathroom?" Or... If you are waiting line at a public restroom, and the person behind you really needs to go, you can say "Why don't you go ahead, my pee-peeness is much smaller than yours.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
While shopping yesterday, Kyle and I played a game called "Put your hands in your pockets, stand in one spot and count to one hundred". Kyle seemed a little underwhelmed by the game's ending, which was me saying "Yeah! You won". He played it 3 times. I don't think he'll let me play that game with him again, but it was a nice while it lasted.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
I took 2 kids and a stroller to Pottery Barn today. A worker met me at the door and said "What are you looking for? I'll get it for you." I didn't recognize her so I have to assume that the last time I took the kids there they posted our photos in the break room with a note that said "do NOT let these people roam unattended in the store".
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
I have absolutely NO idea what time it is. I have a clock that says 8:00, one that says 6:00 and one that says 7:00 and Christina's phone says something different than mine. My kids are up, but it's dark out. WTF? I can't live my life like this. Somebody help me.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
While dropping Kyle off at school this morning he popped his head out of the class as I was walking away and yelled across the hall, "Dad, I forgot to tell you something. Don't forget to ask mom if she would like to be a gypsy. We won't have a home and we'll just live everywhere. It will be fun, okay?"
Kyle's teacher: Oh, is Christina going to be a gypsy for halloween?
Confused looks all around.
I liked this one much better than on Wednesday when he yelled out "Daddy, don't forget to be nice to mommy, okay?". Way to put daddy on the defensive, bud.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Christina and I hit a major parenting milestone last week - last bottle for our youngest. It happened without any high fives or pats on the back. Just a silent acknowledgment of better days to come. Like two war-torn soldier coming off the battlefield, or two brow-beaten hikers coming down from everest. No words. Just a look like "Who's f*cking idea was it to climb that mountain in the first place?"
Sunday, October 3, 2010
One minute we're having a nice dinner at a restaurant, the next there's ice cream on floor, screaming kid #1 ushered out, full dinner plate and silverware on the floor, screaming kid #2 ushered out - all within about 5 seconds. CHECK PLEASE! Total blitzkrieg... sigh.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Kyle and I just tore up the jumpy houses at the Silver Creek Sportsplex. There were two other families here but they bailed after Kyle and I started slobbering and sweating all over everything (for the record, Kyle did most of the slobbering). I need a new shirt.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Horrible sleep last night. I kept having a dream that I was on a date with Christina and towards the end of the date, I realized that I forgot to hire a sitter and the kids had been home alone for the past few hours. I was quietly stressing out over whether to tell Christina or not for fear that she would want to end the date early. LOL. So ridiculous, yet so plausible.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Friday, July 2, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Kyle's naked frolic through our backyard sprinklers took a more serious turn yesterday. Apparently, playground slide + water + naked bottom = speed. Poor kid FLEW off the slide and across the yard on his ass and started screaming "There's grass in my bottom! There's grass in my bottom!" Is it a sign of bad parenting when your kid is crying and your laughing your ass off about it?
Monday, May 31, 2010
Kyle: Are you making a rocket ship or a vacuum?
Me: A vacuum
Kyle: No, that's a rocketship, Honey, not a Vacuum.
Me: (Double-take) Honey? Seriously?
I get "Ian" sometimes, but "Honey" is a new one. Not sure if I liked it or not. I'm just glad he didn't call me "Sugar Tits".
Sunday, April 18, 2010
During bath time with Kyle and Joelle tonight...
Me: Uh oh, looks like Joelle just pooped in the bath.
Kyle: Yeah, it looks like she did.
Me: silent pause while I try to figure out my next move.
Kyle: I am not excited about this. Get me out of here.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
My son has an uncanny ability to detect and identify sweets on my breath. It's annoying, cool, and creepy all at the same time. Usually goes something like this... I smell something. What is that. What are you eating. Open your mouth, can I smell your mouth (thrusts nose in my mouth). Mmm... I smell chocolate. Can I have some? Can I have some? Can I have some? (Repeat until Daddy's ears bleed).
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Kyle: my underwear is my poo-poo's home.
Christina: but the toilet is supposed to be your poo-poo's home.
Kyle: no, the toilet is our old pet fish's home... Remember?
Ian: (thinking to self) don't laugh... don't laugh... don't laugh...
Friday, March 19, 2010
The pacifier fairy came to the house today during kyle's nap and traded him a toy for one of his pacifiers. Tonight he put all of his pacifiers under his pillow. Hahaha, that kid didn't realize he's been sitting on a gold mine. Christina is so clever.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
Me: Kyle, where's the box you keep your books in. I want you to put your books away.
Kyle: Its in the car.
Me: No, I see it right there on the floor.
Kyle: No, thats not it. It's in the car, dad. Relax, don't worry about it, okay?
Geez, this kid is two and he's getting lippy with me already.