Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Friday, September 2, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
I need Jay-Z to not be able to get the smell of spit-up out of his nose. No matter how many times he changes his clothes or takes a shower.
I need Beyonce to look down at her raw, chapped left nipple and wonder why a third of it is missing, and whether her baby ate it.*
* While I have no first hand experiences like this, I've heard of such tales, and it delights me to think that it could happen to even these people.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Kyle made this bracelet for me last week.
He typed it up on our label maker and it says "wow woo wow" - sounds happy people make. He said that it would make me happy when I look at. Sweet huh? That's what I thought until I realized his true intent...
This is a mind control device designed to weaken my parental control.
Me: Kyle, it's time to stop coloring. We have to go.
Kyle: I'm not done yet.
Me: Kyle, we're late and I'm starting to get upset.
Kyle: Look at your bracelet dad... (Sly look out of the corner of his eye , as if he just cast some sort of ecstasy spell on me)... Now how do you feel?
Kyle: Can I have one? Can I have one? Can I have one?
Kyle: Hey dad. Look at your bracelet!... (pause for bracelet powers to take effect)...
Now can I have one?
Unfortunately, I'm finding that it actually works a little bit. Somebody get this thing off of me. FREEDOOOOM!
Monday, June 27, 2011
Me: "Joelle, please stop picking your nose."
Joelle: "I not picking my nose. I finding dinosaurs."
The she pulled a large booger from her nose, held it in the air in front of her and said, "Whoa, look. It's a T-Rex!"
Dig on my gross little paleontologist. Dig on.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Sunday, June 5, 2011
We told Kyle he could sprint the last 50 yards of his mom's half-marathon with her. In retrospect, I should have communicated a little better with Christina on that detail. Chaos ensued and the little dude almost took out a few runners.
We waited a little ways before the finish and I told Kyle he would have to run extra fast to keep up with her. Having just run 14 miles, she was a little out of it when she came by, and I think she forgot that he wanted to run the last bit with her, so she said hi and kept running towards the finish line. But Kyle had not forgotten. He took off after her... FAST, and Christina had no idea he was behind her. I was left standing there holding Joelle and a bunch of other bags, food and jackets, watching runners dodge him until he slipped out of my vision. Found him standing on the finish line about to get railroaded by some Kenyans. Haha!
Parenting fail #572...
Monday, May 30, 2011
I'm both disturbed and a little proud of my son's budding manipulation skills...
Kyle: Dad, I saw a new book at the back of the car. Can you get it for me?
Me: I don't know where that came from. It might be for somebody else. Let's wait and ask your mom.
Kyle: You know, Mom doesn't have to be the boss of you.
Me: She's not. We make decisions together.
Kyle: Well then, you can just decide to go get the book.
Me: No. Let's wait and ask who she bought it for.
Kyle: Hmmm. Seems like mom is the boss of you.
Me: Nice try.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
I just got reprimanded by my kid. Not sure if I deserved it or not, but one thing is very clear... I'm completely out of my league in this house when it comes to verbal sparring.
Kyle got in trouble for spitting on another kid today at school.
Both Christina and I talked with him about it earlier today, but I thought I would use a bedtime story as a way to really drill home the fact that spitting is gross and that we shouldn't spit on people.
Every night Kyle sets the parameters for his story and then I make one up as I'm telling him (fun for him and sort of a creative exercise for me). Anyway, tonight he requested a story about a video game that he likes to play. So, I wove a story about how the main character in the game got in an argument with his friend and spit on him, and then nobody wanted to play with him anymore, and he was sad and lonely.
So, towards the end of the story Kyle stops me and says...
Kyle: Excuse me Daddy. Why are we talking about spitting?
Me: That's just how this story goes.
Kyle: Yeah, but there's no spitting in the video game. So, why are you trying to tell me a story about spitting? Is it because I spit on my friend today?
Me: What do you think?
Kyle: I think you don't need to do that. I already learned my lesson from Mommy on the way home from school today. This just makes me feel bad. And you're not supposed to do this with bedtime stories. Bedtime stories are supposed to be fun.
Me: ... Uh... Okay, let's just snuggle.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
My mom used to say some pretty bizarre stuff if you started talking to her just before she fell asleep - sort of a verbal dream state. Tonight I started falling asleep while telling my son a bedtime story and did the same thing. Not sure exactly what I said, but something about Darth Vader, a beach ball, and some angry lady. Kyle seemed a little confused/freaked out when I finally snapped out of it. Hahaha.
My brother, Shea, and my mom would watch TV together and just when my mom's eyes were closing he wold turn to her and say something like...
Shea: Mom, can I have a bagel dog?
Mom: No, the dog needs a hat.
Shea: Oh, okay, what hat should I get for him?
Mom: The red one... no green... It's in the bathroom
Shea: What's in the bathroom?
Mom: They are. All of them... All those guys.
Shea: What guys?
And so on and so on. LOL!
Monday, March 28, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
This morning Kyle told me that he wants to be an astronaut acrobat ninja when he grows up. Why didn't somebody tell me that was a viable career path when I was growing up? I'd be doing flips and throwing ninja stars on the space shuttle right now. Damn.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Monday, January 31, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
We started keeping a squirt bottle in the car so that we can squirt anybody who screams or whines while we are driving. Works great, and the mean dad in me loves doing it :)
So, if you see me out and about and my kids are soaking wet, you'll know I'm on the edge.