Friday, August 31, 2012

Sexy Daddy


Kyle trying to butter me up after got in trouble for misbehaving this morning:

Kyle: You're my favorite dad ever.

Me: ... (mini-silent treatment)

Kyle: You're like the cutest dad in the whole world

Me: ...

Kyle: What's that word that means 'cute', and adults use it, but it's not really for kids?... Oh yeah! Sexy. I think you're really, really sexy, dad.

Me: Uh... thanks Kyle. .

My Son, Future Cave Man


Kyle just told me that he wanted to be a caveman when he grows up. I started to tell him that it wasn't a profession, but stopped myself. Because when I imagined what it might be like if he actually grew up to be a caveman, I realized it could be pretty cool.

When Christina and I are retired and want to go camping we could go visit Kyle and he could make fires and hunt for us and stuff.

People would ask me, "Hey Ian, what do your kids do?". And I could say, "My daughter is a patent attorney in Palo Alto, and my son, well... he's a caveman. He lives in Carlsbad".

This One Time, At Band Camp...


Christina and I are trying to teach Kyle the difference between conversing with somebody and talking at them. That kid can talk you to a bloody pulp. He doesn't care much if you are interested in what he's saying, as long as his words reach your ear. And it's unrelenting.

To combat this, when Kyle launches off into one of his filibusters about Ninjago, or superheroes, or whatever. She starts talk
ing about knitting (something he has no interest in), to help him understand that a conversation is a two-way street. And it seems to work. (Brilliant idea by the way, Christina)

So, this morning, I tried it. After about 15 minutes of rapid fire Ninjago trivia being crammed in my ear, I started talking about the proper way to set up a Photoshop file. And what do I get?...

"Oh, that's perfect dad. Because when I grow up, we're going to be working together doing art stuff and ninjago stuff all day long. I'll need to know all about all of this. Go ahead and talk for a little bit and then we'll get back to ninjago."

NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Slime!


Christina: Joelle, do you have to go poo-poo or pee-pee?

Joelle: Um neither. I have to slime.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy Mother's Day... I Think


This morning, while giving mother's day gifts to Christina, Kyle told her that he had been working on a song at school that he would like to sing for her. So, he sang a very nice song about how much he lovers her.

Not to be outdone, Joelle told her that she had been working on a song as well. And since she goes to the same school as Kyle, it made sense that maybe they had been leaning a Mother's Day song as well. Here was her song:

Mommyyyyyyy. I love youuuuu!
Well, actually, sometimes I dooooon't.
And sometimes there's bugs in this hoooouse.
And I really don't like that.

Touching.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Horse With An Unfortunate Name


Joelle was hopping around the house and holding her crotch this morning.

Me: What's going on Joelle? Do you have to go potty?

Joelle: No, I'm riding a horse.

Me: Oh, okay. What's your horse's name?

Joelle: Um... Tagina?

Monday, April 23, 2012

How Do You Say 'Dramatic' in Chinese?


And the prize for 'Most Overly Dramatic and Just Flat Out Weird Gripe' goes to Kyle Nyquist...

Kyle: Why did you turn the radio off? The song wasn't over!

Me: You can listen to the Chinese radio station more on the way to school tomorrow. We need to get you to bed.

Kyle: But that Chinese song was DIFFERENT. It had Chinese instruments, and it was SO beautiful. I've never heard anything like that before, and I loved that song SO MUCH. I'll NEVER forget what that sounded like. NEVER! But now I won't know how the song ended because of YOU.

Seriously, this thing that Kyle has for Chinese music is so odd, and he's so passionate about it. *Sigh*

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Hello Rabbit!


The hotel that we ate lunch at yesterday had an area with some caged birds and rabbits, so I took Joelle to go and visit them. As we approached, a parrot said "Hello!". Joelle had never heard this before and it really threw her. She turned to me and said, "Daddy, that bird just talked to me." - as if to confirm that it actually DID just happen. So I replied, "Yes, they can talk". A look of wonderment and joy flooded her face. Giddy with excitement, she immediately turned around and yelled "HELLO RABBIT!" into the rabbit's cage. Apparently, she thought I meant that ALL the animals there could talk. She was a little disappointed when I explained to her what was going on. For a second there, she must have thought she was Dr. Dolittle.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Deadly Cactus

Kyle: DAD! DON'T GO NEAR THAT CACTUS!

ME: Okay, Why?

Kyle: It's DEADLY! Look, it already killed a bull!





Sunday, February 19, 2012

Hair Apparent

Double slam tonight...

Joelle: Daddy, let me put this clip in your hair.
Me: Okay
Joelle: No. Lift up your shirt and show me your hair.

Kyle: I'm so cold right now. Let's snuggle.
Me: Yeah, I'm cold too.
Kyle: What?!? You're cold? How? You have all that hair all over your body.

Seriously? I'm not THAT hairy guys... am I? Okay, maybe time for some manscaping.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Silly Juice


On the way to school today...

Kyle: How is your morning going dad?
Me: Good, but I'm really tired.
Kyle: Maybe you should drink some that juice from Chevy's that makes you silly.
Me: Eh. It's a little early for margaritas.

That's Nice But...


After getting last place at a crossfit competition...


Kyle: Daddy! Daddy! Did your team win?!?

Me: Well... We tried really hard, so I feel like we won in my heart.

Kyle: ...Well, that's nice daddy, but did you win, ya know, like in REAL life?

Me: No. No, we got beat really badly.

DUMP!


While throwing his new airplane in the front yard today, Kyle threw it into an area of the yard that, admittedly, has been neglected since our remodel started.


Kyle: Whoa! Did you see that? I threw it all the way into our DUMP!

Me: Yeah! That was so... Wait... Into our what?

Don't Ruin Christmas

While putting kyle to bed tonight...

Me: Kyle, now you might hear some banging sounds downstairs tonight. Whatever you do, don't come downstairs. If Santa sees that you are awake, he'll run away and take all the presents with him.

Kyle: I might come out real quick to go in your room or something.

Me: If you do, you might ruin Christmas for everybody.

Kyle: Everybody in the whole world?!?

Me: No. Just ruin it for you and your sister.

Kyle: [super releived] Phew. Oh, okay.

Bad Breath


Kyle: Is it possible to eat a fart?
Me: I don't know, but you could try. [Thinking to myself: Please try, please try, please try]
Kyle: Nah. Not right now. It would probably give me bad breath.